Clear Sentences
Parallel Construction
His writing was neat and legible. [Correct]
His writing was neat and I could read it easily. [Incorrect]
Colons
Awkward:
Your report must cover the following topics:
- the reason for the experiment
- what will it demonstrate?
- how the exhibit will be set up
- what materials will be used?
Parallel:
Your report must cover the following topics:
- the reason for the experiment
- the proof of the experiment
- the construction of the demonstration
- the materials for the experiment
Additions, Compare and Contrast
We judge our friends not only by their words but also by what they do. [Awkward]
We judge our friends not only by their words but also by their actions. [Correct]
Early to bed and early to rise make a man healthy, wealthy and wise.
Ask not what your country can do for you - ask what you can do for your country. -- John F. Kennedy
Consistency
Inconsistencies in time and person within a sentence cause awkward and unclear writing.
Example 1: Inconsistency in Time
Example 2: Inconsistency in Person
When a person fails to dress warmly, you can expect to get a cold. [Incorrect]
When a person fails to dress warmly, that person can expect to get a cold. [Correct]
When a person fails to dress warmly, he or she can expect to get a cold. [Correct]
Both sentences are less awkward when the shifts are eliminated.
Shifting in Time
Writers should use the present tense
- to describe action in works of literature or other art forms such as film, opera, television shows etc.
- to explain the ideas, arguments, and interpretations of writers, scholars, historians, scientists etc
- to describe general truths
Therefore, the following sentences show a logical shift in time:
We went to see Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, in which the three main characters die. [Correct]
Dunaway argues that mass media influenced mid-20th century ideas about the environment. [Correct]
Active and Passive Voice
The active voice is less wordy and indirect, but it also forces clearer and more precise thinking: the writer must name a subject and say what that subject is doing. (What's a subject again?)
Active voice generally follows this form: subject- verb - object
The passive voice, on the other hand, allows the actor or doer in a sentence to remain invisible. The actor or doer does not even have to appear.
Passive voice generally follows this form: object - is/was/were - past-tense verb - subject (not always present)
Active:
Rules and models destroy genius and art.
The school board cancelled the outdoor education program.
Passive:
Genius and art are destroyed by rules and models.
The outdoor education program was cancelled.
Passive Voice and the Missing Subject
An error was made.
People were killed.
These passive sentences don't tell us who made the error or who killed the people. Active sentences would.
Passive Voice and Identified Subject
Even when the actor is present in a passive sentence, he, she or it seems not particularly responsible for the action because they are distanced from it by being positioned after the verb.
An error was made by two Canadian pilots.
People were killed by the bombs.
Active Voice
Notice how changing these passive sentences into active sentences makes them both more direct and less wordy.
Two Canadian pilots made an error.
The bombs killed people.
Reasons for Choosing the Passive Voice
Use the passive voice when the actor is unknown or irrelevant.
It may be that in a time of widening uncertainty and chronic stress, the historian's voice is the most needed. -- Barbara Tuchmann
Although this sentence doesn't tell us who needs the historian's voice, we assume that all people, humanity at large, have this need. Because we are able to make this assumption, the passive voice is useful here.
Use the passive voice when you want to focus on the action or the thing being acted upon, not the doer.
After a thorough evaluation, the outdoor education program was cancelled.